Archive for the 'South Carolina' Category

29
Nov
10

orange crushed, (dis)counting chickens and counting cash

It’s time for another peek into my e-mail outbox. Hmmm. Love notes to Clemson fans, sports pundits and my soon-to-be-poverty-stricken husband.

To: Clemson fans

Re: Orange crushed

Thanks for your hospitality, Clemson people. It was really nice of you to roll out the orange carpet on my first visit to your stadium. I suspect you knew what was about to transpire, because the pre-game tailgating mood was strangely subdued.

You know, you had me scared there for, oh, about 120 seconds. But the last 58 minutes of the game warmed my Gamecock heart (although my Gamecock feet were quite chilly in the 40-or-so-degree weather).

By the way, it’s nice to know that orange is lucky – for Gamecocks, if not for Tigers. We’ve had our way with teams wearing that particular shade in the past few weeks: Tennessee, Florida and your boys, too. Next week, we plan to crush another set of Tigers clad in orange. We trust you’ll be watching and cheering us on to victory.

Until next year . . .

_______________________________

To: Sports pundits

Re: (dis)Counting chickens

Hey, sports writers and broadcasters, get a grip. This love-fest you’ve got going with Auburn’s Cam Newton has gone from annoying to cloying. The guy might be a good quarterback – OK, a really good quarterback – but you’re embarrassing yourselves.

What happened to journalistic impartiality? Apparently it doesn’t even pretend to exist in sports, because y’all are really busy touting Auburn’s upcoming appearance in the national championship game.

Here’s a news flash: Auburn is playing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks this Saturday for the SEC championship. It’s in Atlanta. At the Georgia Dome. At 4 p.m. Eastern Time.

Everyone loves a good spoiler, especially the kind that upsets the smug status quo. Gamecock fans can guarantee that Stephen Garcia, Marcus Lattimore, Alshon Jeffery and the rest of our team have every intention of spoiling Auburn’s victory celebration, which got started about a week too early.

You might want to check Saturday’s score before applauding Cam’s victory lap. Remember that Dewey Defeats Truman thing?

________________________________

To: My dear husband

Re: Our wager

Hi, honey. Just wanted to remind you to keep your spending in check this week . . . because I’m expecting you to write me a big check after my Gamecocks win the SEC championship on Saturday night.

I’m eager to collect on our $5,000 wager and I know you’re just as eager to do the honorable thing by making good on the bet. By the way, don’t forget that my Gamecocks have until 2013 to win the SEC under the original terms of the deal.

Oh – one more thing: Don’t forget about our $10,000 side bet. You remember, right? You said Carolina wouldn’t win a national championship during my lifetime.

I know you don’t have $10,000, so it would be a good idea to look around for an investment with a hefty return. I plan to collect on that one, too. Love you . . .

18
Nov
10

SEC championship tickets: That’s amoré

Well, Bruce sure knows how to come through in a pinch. I’ve forgiven him for leaving me to watch the USC-Florida game alone while he attended a Spurs game, given that he sprang for SEC championship tickets. That’s romance.

Speaking of the championship, is anyone else appalled at resale prices for the game in Atlanta? I’ve decided my Gamecocks are going to surprise Auburn and win this one – but given that most of us had to pay crazy prices for the pleasure of being there, I hope they at least give us our money’s worth.

By the way, a lot of people are hoping Auburn’s dynamic quarterback, Cam Newton, has to sit out the game in the wake of a juicy play-for-pay scandal that has SEC fans saying, “Pass the popcorn.”

I disagree. If Newton doesn’t take the field and the Gamecocks go on to win, our championship season will be forever marred by an asterisk – one that says we won by default because the Tigers played without their gridiron Achilles.

Speaking of Newton, recent reports indicate that one of the central figures in the sordid saga has produced a text message laying out a payment plan purportedly put forth by the quarterback’s preacher father, Cecil.

What’s with people and text messages these days? Haven’t we learned from the Tiger Woods scandal?

If you’re an athlete or a celebrity, even of the minor sort, here’s a tip: Don’t send text messages you’ll regret (ahem, Brett Favre), because they’re fodder for blackmail, lawsuits and public humiliation.

And here’s another seemingly obvious bit of advice:  Don’t keep the evidence on hand for later perusal (hey there, Tony Parker).

I mean, really, get a clue. Facebook has been a boon for lawyers, with online misbehavior listed as a factor in up to 25 percent of divorce cases. Add in examples of inappropriate texting and the number grows exponentially.

Seriously, texting is the electronic version of lipstick on the collar. Or, in Cecil Newton’s case, getting caught with your hand in the collection plate.

The trouble is, lipstick stains can be washed out and undocumented theft is easily forgotten. Electronic indiscretions stick around a lot longer.




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