29
Nov
10

orange crushed, (dis)counting chickens and counting cash

It’s time for another peek into my e-mail outbox. Hmmm. Love notes to Clemson fans, sports pundits and my soon-to-be-poverty-stricken husband.

To: Clemson fans

Re: Orange crushed

Thanks for your hospitality, Clemson people. It was really nice of you to roll out the orange carpet on my first visit to your stadium. I suspect you knew what was about to transpire, because the pre-game tailgating mood was strangely subdued.

You know, you had me scared there for, oh, about 120 seconds. But the last 58 minutes of the game warmed my Gamecock heart (although my Gamecock feet were quite chilly in the 40-or-so-degree weather).

By the way, it’s nice to know that orange is lucky – for Gamecocks, if not for Tigers. We’ve had our way with teams wearing that particular shade in the past few weeks: Tennessee, Florida and your boys, too. Next week, we plan to crush another set of Tigers clad in orange. We trust you’ll be watching and cheering us on to victory.

Until next year . . .

_______________________________

To: Sports pundits

Re: (dis)Counting chickens

Hey, sports writers and broadcasters, get a grip. This love-fest you’ve got going with Auburn’s Cam Newton has gone from annoying to cloying. The guy might be a good quarterback – OK, a really good quarterback – but you’re embarrassing yourselves.

What happened to journalistic impartiality? Apparently it doesn’t even pretend to exist in sports, because y’all are really busy touting Auburn’s upcoming appearance in the national championship game.

Here’s a news flash: Auburn is playing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks this Saturday for the SEC championship. It’s in Atlanta. At the Georgia Dome. At 4 p.m. Eastern Time.

Everyone loves a good spoiler, especially the kind that upsets the smug status quo. Gamecock fans can guarantee that Stephen Garcia, Marcus Lattimore, Alshon Jeffery and the rest of our team have every intention of spoiling Auburn’s victory celebration, which got started about a week too early.

You might want to check Saturday’s score before applauding Cam’s victory lap. Remember that Dewey Defeats Truman thing?

________________________________

To: My dear husband

Re: Our wager

Hi, honey. Just wanted to remind you to keep your spending in check this week . . . because I’m expecting you to write me a big check after my Gamecocks win the SEC championship on Saturday night.

I’m eager to collect on our $5,000 wager and I know you’re just as eager to do the honorable thing by making good on the bet. By the way, don’t forget that my Gamecocks have until 2013 to win the SEC under the original terms of the deal.

Oh – one more thing: Don’t forget about our $10,000 side bet. You remember, right? You said Carolina wouldn’t win a national championship during my lifetime.

I know you don’t have $10,000, so it would be a good idea to look around for an investment with a hefty return. I plan to collect on that one, too. Love you . . .

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