Read ’em and weep

To:            Lee Corso

From:        Ronda Templeton

Re:            Your date with the Astroturf

I wanted to take this opportunity to thoughtfully suggest that you buy yourself a pair of kneepads, just in case your future includes a long crawl across Williams-Brice Stadium. You’re not a spring chicken, let alone a mighty Gamecock, and I hear Astroturf can be hard on the knees.

If you’ll recall, you’ve gone on record more than once about South Carolina’s chances of winning an SEC Championship. I believe your exact words were, “I don’t think (Steve) Spurrier can win an SEC or national title. I don’t care if he coaches here for 400 years.”

If we beat Auburn in the SEC championship game Dec. 4, I hope you’ll honor the promise you made to Spurrier last month before the GameDay broadcast of the Alabama-Carolina game. Spurrier reported your conversation this way: “He would love to crawl across Williams-Brice Stadium and salute the fans. That’s what he said he would do if we ever win it.”

Anyway, Lee, we trust you’re a man of your word. And because Carolina fans are compassionate, we won’t make you crawl from end zone to end zone. Straight across the 50-yard-line will do.


To:        Bruce

From:    Your wife

Re:         Our friendly wager

Hi, honey. Hope you enjoyed the Spurs game Saturday night, because I really enjoyed watching my Gamecocks win the SEC East. Just a friendly reminder that you need to check your bank account balance, because I’d like to collect on our wager before the holidays.

In case you’ve forgotten the parameters, we’re in year two of our five-year bet. I said the Gamecocks would win the SEC championship by 2013. You said no way. So we made it interesting by putting $5,000 on the table.

By the way, I received your text message. I’m sorry, but I don’t take credit cards. This is a cash-only deal. Love you, too.


To:         Clemson Fans

From:     Annoyed

Re:         Sour Grapes

I know you’re having a bad year, and Saturday was a pretty tough day in Tigertown. Really, it was a double whammy – losing to Florida State and watching us win the SEC East on the same day. I feel for you. OK, that was a lie, but it sounded good for a moment.

In any case, quit whining. We hear you talking about how we only won our division because it was a down year for the other SEC East teams. Blah, blah, blah. Sure, we’ve lost three games, but last year – when you won the ACC championship – your regular season record was 8-4. One of those losses, in case you need a reminder, was to the University of South Carolina Gamecocks.

Whatever. We’ll decide things on the field in a couple of weeks. Until then, we invite you to join our celebration. No need to RSVP.


4 Responses to “Read ’em and weep”

  1. 1 Bobby
    November 15, 2010 at 7:30 AM

    Ronda – whatever happened to being a gracious winner? – oh, that’s right, we don’t have enough experience. I really look forward tothe day (hopefully) when this becomes old hat

  2. November 15, 2010 at 8:26 AM

    Bobby –I thought I was being gracious by reminding Mr. Corso that he might need kneedpads. (Actually, a tongue-in-cheek apology will do, but the crawl has more drama.) As for Clemson, I don’t think it’s in their genetic makeup to be happy for Carolina, but that just makes things fun. And I’m pretty sure Bruce doesn’t have $5,000, but I like to gig him. As for Carolina being inexperienced in winning these titles, I’m with you. We’ll be more blase once we have a few more trophies in the case.

  3. 3 Susanne
    November 15, 2010 at 12:55 PM

    Favorite. Post. Ever.!!

  4. 4 Bruce D.
    November 15, 2010 at 1:19 PM

    I’ll put a check in the mail on Dec. 5. Not sure what date I’ll put on the check.

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