Bartender? We’ll have another round of despair

OK, let’s play a quick game of “Would you rather?”

If given the choice — and if you’re a man — would you rather have a beautiful house and an ugly car, or a beautiful car and an ugly house?

If you’re a woman, would you rather publish your diary or have your most embarrassing moment viewed again and again on YouTube?

And here’s one for everyone: Would you rather support a team of eternal (but lovable) losers or enjoy a fleeting moment of sports glory?

See, there’s the rub. After awhile, losing becomes kind of a unifying factor. When you think about it, Gamecocks fans are bound by our perpetual misery. What if we actually won a football championship? What would we be without our communal commiseration?

The winter of our (eternal) discontent

Sure, I love my Gamecocks — and I was devastated by our loss to Kentucky last weekend. But for a moment, when the SEC East looked like an almost-sure-thing (or as close to an almost-sure-thing as possible for ‘Cocks fans), I wondered: Would winning take the fun out of it? Would I rather win the SEC East or continue to wallow in despair?

I’m not sure what we’d do if our long national nightmare actually ended. After the celebrations were over, we’d have to restart our misery from scratch.

Ask yourself: Are Red Sox fans having as much fun today as they were having before hell froze over? And what about the poor Boston scribes? Eighty-six years of writing about the Curse of the Bambino down the drain.

I don’t know, perhaps I’m just looking for some sort of consolation. But at the end of the day, if Charlie Brown actually kicked that football or won the heart of his red-haired girl, euphoria would soon be replaced by wistful nostalgia.

You know what they say . . . unrequited love is the sweetest.

Really, Ole Miss? That’s the best you could do?

Honestly, could Ole Miss have been more bland when choosing a replacement mascot for its now-retired Colonel Reb? Seriously . . . The Rebel Black Bears? Snore.

I mean, Mississippi’s unofficial motto is, “We may lose a game, but we never lose a party.” Surely they could have come up with an equally snazzy mascot.

Then again, perhaps not. The other finalists were Rebel Land Shark and Hotty Toddy. Although, now that I think of it, I would have voted for Hotty Toddy. After all, the “Hotty” part had real slogan possibilities; it was a T-shirt maker’s dream. Talk about missed marketing opportunities.

Speaking of mascots, shouldn’t there should be some sort of penalty for the mundane — or at least a one-per-conference limit? According to USA Today, the 12 most-used names of four-year college mascots are: Eagles (74), Tigers (46), Bulldogs (39), Panthers (33), Knights (32), Lions (31), Bears (30), Hawks (28), Cougars (27), Pioneers (27), Warriors (27) and Wildcats (25).

This means Auburn, with it’s double-hitter of War Eagle and The Tigers, is the champion of redundancy. And that the Ole Miss Hotty Toddy is looking better by the minute.



3 Responses to “Bartender? We’ll have another round of despair”

  1. 1 Doug Jolley
    October 21, 2010 at 11:08 PM

    Admiral Ackbar was the slam dunk for Ole Miss. They missed the opportunity of a millennium. As for Gamecock choices, color me optimistic. Still.

  2. 2 Glen Ayers
    October 22, 2010 at 9:26 AM

    Rhonda, I’ve been dealing with work, travel, injured wife, so I have been sort of out of the loop. Clemson stinks; UNC is about to go on probation; USC lost to KY after beating Alabama.

    I think I’ll just wear plain black for the rest of the football season. I still enjoy the blog, and always read it!

  3. October 22, 2010 at 9:37 AM

    Awww, thanks everyone, for following me over to the new blog host. It’s easier to read, I think! Better layout.

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